Lots of seconds

“We all have the same 86,400 seconds (24 hours) in a day. How we use them is ours to choose.”-Author unknown.

Prior to retirement, this was an excellent reminder for life, but as a Family Physician, choosing how to use every second was never a realistic option during a work day.

You could never predict what would crop-up during the course of most days.

My average work day was 32,400 seconds (9 hours).

My daily commuting time (to and from work) was 3,600 seconds (1 hour), as long as there weren’t unexpected tie-ups/accidents/construction crews along the route.

I, therefore, had approximately 50,400 seconds (14 hours) each day to choose.

I chose to sleep at least 25,200 seconds (7 hours) each night, when not on call.

So, prior to retirement, I had 25,200 seconds (7 hours) remaining.

Since retiring, I now have 61,200 seconds (17 hours), as I still choose to sleep.

That’s a big difference!

It’s a new day-I’ve got lots of seconds to choose!

You don't need to say a lot

My wife had an emotional day at work.

A 1 year-old baby, of a colleague, drowned.

We took a walk last evening.

Ten years ago, I experienced an unexpected tragic loss.

This is an entry from another blog I was writing in at that time:

Over the years, I've known families who have suffered an unexpected tragic loss. In one family, a husband was involved in a car accident on the way home from work and died instantly. His children went to the same elementary school as my children and I remember how sad I always felt whenever I saw his wife at school functions after his death. I also remember how I would intentionally try to avoid her because I didn't know what to say when we crossed paths.

I do now.
You don't need to say a lot. 

Just say you're sorry for their loss or just be there.
Don't say how shocked you are. 

Anytime someone said that to me I felt like saying "no shit Sherlock."
Don't say how the same thing happened to you.
Don't say "please call if you need anything," especially if you had never shared a close relationship. 

The person(s) going through the tragic loss is trying to process everything and doesn't know exactly what he/she needs.

If so inclined, and if appropriate, show up and do the dishes, take out the trash, do a load of laundry, make a grocery store run. 

Be available to talk, but only if approached.
Of all the words in cards received, these two were the most appreciated:
“There are no words to express how I feel."
"Please know that eventually you will find the light at the end of the tunnel in which you find yourself in at this time."

FOMO while at a public urinal

“What was getting me was the sense that I was being manipulated, that someone was controlling my attention. I’d login with seemingly innocent intentions-to see what friends were up to, or if anyone appreciated what I’d shared-and plan to spend just a couple of minutes doing it. But of course it never ended up being “just a couple of minutes.” Inevitably it would turn into quite a few “couple of minutes.” I’d glance at the clock upon logging out and feel an ache of regret. Did I really just burn up that much time?! Monstrous fortunes have been invested to engineer social media to be as seductive, irresistible and addictive as possible.”-Dawn Chandler: walking away from social media-one year later. 

I was at a concert this past weekend and needed to make a pit stop.

The person using the urinal next to me was doing an excellent job of scrolling through social media on his phone with one hand while using his other hand, appropriately, to aim.

I wanted to laugh and/or comment but decided not to.

I walked away from social media about two years ago.

The “fear of missing out (FOMO)” does still resonate with me to a degree, especially regarding life events for friends with whom paths don’t cross often anymore.

I could work social media back into my daily routine now, but will need to continue to ponder.

I have experienced an increased sense of contentment since walking away and, fortunately, was never the topic of a blog post for FOMO while at a public urinal.

A malpractice lawsuit

Research has concluded that being named in a malpractice lawsuit results in “shame, self-doubt, and disillusionment” for many physicians, regardless of the outcome of the suit.

“41% of responding family physicians reported being named in a malpractice lawsuit in 2021, down from 49% two years earlier.”-Becker’s Hospital Review 2022.

I was involved with one malpractice lawsuit during my medical career, approximately 20 years ago.

Although I successfully navigated through this time of my career, as most physicians do, the conclusions of the research were spot-on.

I’m sure that fragmented sleep, with intrusive thoughts, was a significant factor in causing me to frequently question my career choice.

Imposter Syndrome

"Imposter syndrome (IS), also known as imposter phenomenon or imposterism, is defined as feelings of uncertainty, inadequacy, and being undeserving of one’s achievements despite evidence to the contrary. It's common among physicians. Experts have suggested many possible interventions/treatments for IS. 

One consideration is to deemphasize our professional identity and take comfort in knowing that our real impact is based not on titles and recognition but on how we cultivate kindness and enhance other people’s lives, even in simple ways that are unrelated to our formal roles."-Thomas Beckman MD-Mayo Clinic Proceedings Nov. 2022. 

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."-Maya Angelou.

I struggled with IS early in my medical career.

I'm not exactly sure when, but over time I started to introduce myself to new patients with just my first and last name while shaking their hand. 

After the initial greeting, I would add, "I'm the doctor."

It was a way of connecting on a more personal level, in my opinion, seemed to promote a more optimal physician-patient relationship, and as an added benefit, helped to minimize the feeling of IS.

My first Father’s Day…

Me (to my wife): Hey, guess what? I just realized that this is my first Father’s Day as a retired person!

My wife (who, disappointedly, responded in a very unenthusiastic tone): Yep, it’s going to be a year of firsts.

Having had my epiphany bubble burst, and after internally sulking for a bit, I had to admit, she was right.

Since retiring, I’ve already experienced my first Memorial Day, as well as birthdays for my wife and daughter as a retired person.

Many more “firsts since retiring” will occur this year.

I’ll just try and avoid making any more less than astute observations going forward! 😊

In charge of the house now

Me: Are the things in the dishwasher clean?

My wife: I don’t know. You’re in charge of the house now.

Yikes.

Even though I hadn’t received a self destructing tape notifying me of, “Your mission, should you choose to accept it,” I already knew.

It just never had been spoken aloud, until now!

Yes...more relaxed

I reached out to a company yesterday that does reviews of medical records for proposed treatment plans (medical/surgical interventions, physical/occupational/speech therapy, durable medical equipment, etc.).

It's definetely an area in which I have a lot of expertise.

My CV highlites the same, as did a brief cover letter.

I was informed that I'm under consideration for a position as a part-time, contracted, consultant.

There was one question.

"Are you doing direct patient care at this time?"

I haven't been doing direct patient care for over 1 month. 

My current board certification is active through 2029.

My CV noted the same, but I guess they wanted confirmation.

A month and 13 days isn't really a long time, but it does feel that way.

Come to think about it, I haven't had an ocular migraine in exactly the same amount of time.

I'd been having a few a month for the last few years.

Maybe I'm more relaxed?

Yes...I'm more relaxed.

Perplexed

I always notice people who park in a disability parking space and have no visible functional impairments or noticeable exercise tolerance deficits when they exit their car.

It's none of my business, but this has always perplexed me.

Don’t they know that their authenticity is being questioned?

I suspect they’re using someone’s disability placard and just don’t care what others think, or are the rightful recipient of the placard and, for whatever reason, are currently doing well.

But if they are currently doing well, why don’t they feel that it’s most appropriate to save one of the few disability parking spaces for an individual who currently needs transfer assistance, a gait assist (cane, walker, wheelchair), is on oxygen therapy, etc.?

Today, between pickleball games, a 40-year-old player, shared with me the good news of just having been granted 100% disability benefits.

The individual had no evident functional disability; in fact, was one of the best players on the court in terms of shots, ball placement, and the agility/ability to cover the court.

Of course,  the reason for being granted 100% disability often has nothing to do with a functional deficit.

Disability benefits are often granted, for example, for a mental health diagnosis such as PTSD.

And again, it's none of my business, but I'm still perplexed.

When you appear to be in excellent physical shape, don’t you think some, who don’t really know you or your history, might question the validity of your disability?

While your disability may be completely justified, it seems best to just keep the information to yourself or to a close network of family/friends.

I am not a part of this individuals close network.

Change of routine

My wife is an amazing woman (wife, mother, grandmother, and physician) and incredibly hard working.

She's a CMO of a local hospital.

She has long work days due all the things she deals with, both expected and unexpected, during the course of a day.

Our morning pre-work routines were very similar.

Arise early, drink tea (my wife) or coffee (me), shower, get dressed, possibly eat a granola or power bar, and then head to work somewhere between 6 am to 730 am.

We both had an approximate 25-30 minute drive to work.

I usually left work for the day between 430 pm-5 pm with phone coverage until 7 pm every other weekday, 24-hour nursing home call 2-3 times a month during the week, and aproximately every 10th weekend.

My wife usually leaves work between 5 pm-730 pm. She's on call 24/7 and has only had coverage for significant holiday celebrations/family events or for a couple of times when we've been out of the country.

She was worried I would not know what to do with myself when I retired.

Having been retired for 1 month and 10 days now, I can attest that has not been an issue.

Obviously, my morning routine is very different now.

It does feel a little odd at times, especially when my wife has already completed her pre-work morning routine, is heading to work, and I'm just arising.

But... I do remind myself that I’m older and finished medical school "a whole" 7 years prior. 😎.

Down the road, I'll be able to assist with her change of routine.

Service calls

Automated message: The appliance technician will be at your house sometime between 1 pm to 5 pm. You will get a text message when the technician is in route to your home.

This used to be a really annoying message.

Needing to arrange and get coverage for time away from work, needing to arrange for an extended family member to assist with being at the home and securing our dogs when there were no other options, etc..

One of the main LED lights in our refrigerator recently stopped working (and yes… I did spend a couple of hours trying to fix it myself).

The first service call was to get access to the panel to determine the exact LED replacement board needed.

The second service call was to install the new board, only to find out that the old board was fine, and that the switch to activate it was faulty.

The third service call, which just ended, was to install the replacement switch.

Three automated text messages with an anticipated arrival "time window" totaling 12 hours for the three visits.

But, since being retired, the automated messages are just annoying, instead of being really annoying!

Carving out some time

My wife (who's also a physician): He just had the blood test done by his primary care physician that was consistent with him being at a greater risk for Alzheimer's.

Me: Really? I didn't know the blood test had been given final approval by the FDA.

The FDA granted a breakthrough device designation for the blood test last year, but I wasn't aware of the final approval.

The Lumipulse G pTau 217/B-Amyloid 1-42 plasma ratio blood test was approved on 5/16/2025, 16 days after I retired.

It's a biomarker that detects an increased risk for the amyloid plaques that have been associated with Alzheimer's disease.

I basically haven't read any of my medical journals or updates since retiring.

But this reminded me that I don’t like being uninformed, especially in an area of medicine (evaluating patients for possible dementia) that was a significant part of my career.

My schedule has been pretty packed lately 😏, but I'm sure I can carve out a bit of time each day for some medical literature reviews.

Absolution

Today is the 6th Friday since I retired.

I've been tempted to call or drop by my old office to see how everything is going but haven't.

My wife feels as if enough time hasn't past and I had to agree.

I told the new medical director and my former program manager to call me for any questions or needs, but they haven't reached out.

I gave 4 months notice but there was a fair amount going on when I left that makes me ponder how things are going, along with a twinge of guilt.

Recently, a physician gave just two weeks notice before abruptly transferring, another physician was threatening to resign due to some administrative changes in his assigned office location, an advanced practice provider was continuing to be a source of, almost, daily drama, there were more requests than usual for emergency leaves due to medical issues and family needs, and many work site changes were being implemented due to edicts from the new presidential administration.

However, on further reflection, none of the above was grossly out of the norm during my long tenure as the medical director.

I was just always there to help adapt and problem solve.

I know my replacement will do an excellent job but I still wish that everything had been more settled prior to my departure.

But, having now documented these thoughts, I'm granting myself absolution from any guilt.

My former medical team, however, remains in my thoughts (almost) daily.

Finding (some of) your people

Last October, I tore my right rotator cuff  (supraspinatus) tendon hitting an overhead volley, while playing pickleball.

My rehab went fine thanks to some exercise routines, which I still do at least every other day, tailored for me by my son, who's a Physical Therapist.

I was back on the courts this am.

I arrived with a right knee brace due to an absent ACL, from a previous injury in 1985, and a right hand brace, due to advanced degenerative arthritis of my first carpal-metacarpal joint of my thumb.

I played just fine.

Others had an assortment of braces and elastic wraps and shared war stories, between games, of all their previous injuries and surgeries over the entire course of their lives on earth.

I could have shared having had both of my hips replaced, but decided to just listen.

But, I did feel right at home.

It's always good to find some of your people 😏!

Fahgeddaboudit!

Admittedly, I used to have overly ambitious to-do lists for a weekend day, especially in regards to yard work.

After an episode or two of heat exhaustion, my wife started to watch me like a hawk, keeping me hydrated, and reminding me of the amount of time I had already been working outside.

I still occasionally over did it, so to speak, because my days available for yard work were limited.

Well, since my wife still works, no one is currently keeping an eye on me now during the weekdays.

I still have a list but have gotten pretty consistent at limiting my time to only a couple of hours of yard work, first thing in the morning, before it gets too hot.

If I haven't gotten through the list, but have put in a couple of good hours, I just say to myself, "Fahgeddaboudit, I can get to the other things tomorrow...or the next day!"

(Although of Irish heritage, I grew up in a town, in New York, with a strong Italian heritage/ethnicity!)

Having the time

Since retiring, I've been spending my usual amount of time keeping up with (some) college and pro sports, but now have had the time to review national and world events in more depth.

Medical journals and updates continue to come almost daily, but reviewing them hasn't been a priority.

I'll will, however, get to them at some point.

A temporary set-back in the vacation phase

Phase 1 of The 4 Phases of Retirement, by Riley Moynes, is the the vacation phase.

"The early, carefree, "holiday" phase of retirement." Sleeping later, reading, travel, exercise, etc..

I'm now a month and 2 days into retirement and have actually slept in a couple of mornings until 7 am!

I've read a few books (highly recommend From Strength to Strength, by Arthur Brooks, given to me by good friends).

Some travel plans are approaching.

And, I've exercised a lot. 

Multiple walks, Core work, Pickleball games, Driving range outings, Swimming, Strength training, Yoga classes, and a fair amount of yard work.

My only set back was from a Yoga class. 

I misread the schedule, thought I was doing a "restorative" class but accidently found myself in a "body synergy" class and strained my back.

I always try and hide my injuries whenever possible.

However, my wife noticed I was spending more time, than is usual, alternating between an ice pack and a heating pad on my back while watching TV.

She asked what was wrong.

I told her.

She kept a concerned look but I'm pretty sure she was sort of amused that I could strain my back doing Yoga but, honestly, so am I!